Whyyyy!! ;(

i guess this week is just a bad week. cried for most of the time. i dont know why, but i just cant hold on my tears. it flows out naturally. reading and watching all of these stuff is enough to make me, urgh cant describe it by words. it's just, too sad ;(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYrc1I8Tgvc&feature=related

gila babi menangis when i watched this video. eventhough its just an audio, but i still can hear the sad voices, all of the ELF and SuJu members cried as well. the situation is just, aihh i can imagine it. the sadness are all over the place! T____T i cant help myself but cried when i heard kangin's voice. guess i've been missing him too much! and so the other two missing members, hangeng and kibum. when kangin gave the speech, i can hear all of the members especially teukie and heechul, and the ELFs cried out loud. kangin himself, cried as well.

i really miss you oppa! i hope u'll be doing very well in the national service. wish you all the best! 2years more, right? don't worry, we, the ELFs will always be here, waiting for you. waiting for you to perform with another 12members. eventhough based on the hangeng's situation, i know it'll be damn impossible for him to get back into SuJu , i believe that someday, you'll be back together as thirteen. the same old THIRTEEN.

shindongdonghaekanginyesungsungminkyuhyunkibumhankyungheechuleunhyukryeowookshiwonleeteuk

I PROM15E TO 13ELIEVE! Super Junior + ELFs = One
You will be my endless love <3 <3 <3

Abandoned.

hai blog kesayangan saya! anda sihat? haha wtf. gila lama tak post blog. gahh. hm where should i start eh? since dah lama tak post so mcm awkward pula nak type. haha well as u can see, im just fine. enjoying this boring hols everr! but wait, it's not that bored since i got plenty of suju's video to watch. i do actually watched all of them but can't resist myself to watch it over and over again. i have to admit that it is my current addiction. and suju is my obsession!

well, there's sooooo much things happened lately. about suju? banyaakkkk! about me, myself? hurm have to think about it. banyak juga lah. i gained soo much weight ok it makes me look like a fatty bum bum! haha konon nak kurus, tah bila tah nak kurus kalau asyik nak melantak je. guessed im too happy sebab tu lah asyik makan je. pimples pun naik as usual. despite the fact that the pre menstrual syndrome , time tak period pun ada juga pimples. haish.

about my social life, hm so far relationship dengan semua orang ok saja. rindu dengan kawan2 lama. tah bila agaknya boleh jumpa. since lately i was too lazy sebab mcm dah melekat je dekat atas tilam dengan laptop yg penuh current news about my boys. in case i havent told u this yet, i didnt switch off my laptop since last week! just imagine! haha why? jangan tanya kenapa. hee :P

i rejected 4guys. im not in the mood into a relationship, seriously. my heart is belong to someone else. sorry, guys. who'd ask u to fall in love with me? duhh, cari la girl lain. im a bad person, u know. and please, dont force me to give u chances. once i told u that i dont want, i would forever stick to it. note that, please. dont hurt yourself. susah juga cakap dengan orang yang tak faham bahasa neh. reject cara kasar kang, mcm rude pula. reject cara baik, mintak peluang lah apa lah. so macam mana neh? hm pedulikan saja.

so what's my plan during this sem break? entah la. nak kerja tp 1month left. macam malas la pulak. tp nak buat apa kt rumah? dah la lately neh cuaca panas macam tahi. to the government, plant more trees, please? panas sangat sampai bangun berpeluh2. mcm baru lepas marathon. urghh!

ok lah i think thats all for now since my head didnt work that much. a sudden headache :(
from now on, i'll try to keep this blog alive, ok! hee :D

bonne nuit ^^

Glad that I'm happy.

living this life without him is not as hard as what i've thought.
i think that i'll not be able to went this through alone.
thank god that it is much more easier than what i've imagined.

im currently enjoying my life.
living without him is much much more easier.
no more pain, no more heartache and no more tears.
that is what i have wished for.
congratulations, fajin. u made it very well!

going out with arep last thursday was totally a blast!
he makes me feel secure and comfortable.
i think that im totally in love with him since i cant even stop thinking of him.
for god's sake sumpah rasa mcm angau gila.
no i have to control it, okay.
its too early, i guess.
lagipun tak harap lebih dlm relationship neh.
i preferred to stay this way.
lebih selesa.

watched a movie titled dear galileo with him.
that movie was, so-so.
actually i've planned to watch alice in wonderland 3D but he dont want to.
dia cakap tu cerita budak2. jahat kan?
so terpaksa la tengok dear galileo. dia nak sangat tengok cerita tu.
apa yang best tah aku pun taktau. hah maybe sebab ada cute girls kott.
haha lelaki, expected lah.
the last part of the movie was kinda sad.
im touched so mcm keluar la tears sikit.
and he noticed it pastu dia gelak mcm tahi and bahan tak sudah.
haishh geram je tengok.

keluar dari movie dia tanya, "u nak balik mcm mana neh?"
then i said, "err taktau. nape u tak boleh hantar ke?"
he replied, "memang la i hantar, i saje je tanya tadi"
damn sumpah cuak. grrr!
then dia ajak lepak dgn ejat and his cousin kejap.
so ikut je la.
jumpa kt mamak.
bila duduk je, ejat ckp, "aku ingat perempuan mana la kau bawak td arep, rupanya pajin"
then arep said, "kau pun tawu kan aku ada dia je"
damn. haha then i was like, "ejat asal u ckp mcm tu?"
ejat said, "takde la i tgk u mlm neh lain mcm je"
okay tak faham dah so malas nak cerita.

after lepak arep ajak ejat and his cousin tlg teman hantar aku balik.
sebab takut dia mengantuk drive sorg2 balik nanti.
so they seat at the back.
borak2 ngn arep but then suddenly arep said, "u u, cuba u tgk belakang"
i looked at the back and saw ejat and his cousin is sleeping.
haha sumpah comel okay cz cousin ejat lean his head on ejat's shoulder.
dah la dorg dua orang tu kecik.
so mcm comel sgt. hee :D

masa dah sampai tu mcm sedih je nak berpisah.
its 2am that time and takut juga tak lepas nak masuk.
arep tunggu kat luar sampai aku betul2 dah masuk dalam hostel.
gate dah kunci, try gate yg kecik tu tak boleh buka.
serious cuak. panggil guard tp takde respond.
so try balik buka gate kecik and thank god boleh lepas.
masa lalu kt pondok guard tu tgk pakcik guard tengah tido.
no wonder la senyap je. haih

i texted arep saying that im already inside.
and i thanked him sebab sanggup hantar balik.
then sampai bilik sumpah rasa cm nak pengsan sebab sgt la exhausted.
lepas tu arep pula text.
i said to him, "tunggu u sampai baru text okay. bahaya la texting while driving"
then dia ckp taknak so terpaksa la layan.
5am baru tido.
then 7am bangun balik nak siap g class.

okay its a good news sebab pagi tu masa dalam class eco im not feeling sleepy at all!
it was the first time okay seriously.
taktau lah kenapa tp rasa mcm happy!
dlm class pun boleh concentrate and for the first time ada eye-contact dengan lecturer without feeling sleepy.
bagus kan?
syu mira n lela semua pelik and dorg ckp, "kenapa kau tak tido weh?"
then i was like, "shhh! focus focus"
hahaha then syu sambung, "kedai iqhuan"
mula2 tak berapa nak faham tp bila balik rumah cerita kt ieka dia gelak mcm tahi.
rupa2nya focus focus tu nama kedai abg iqhuan.
bahahah bengong!

alright the conclusion is, i can now live on my own.
in fact, rasa lega dapat lepas dari semua masalah.
thank you friends. and thanks, arep.
for supporting me up whenever i was down.
you guys are the best and i love u til death!
:) :) :)

I'm going crazy.

hati ini tiba2 merindui si dia.

rindu yang teramat, sangat.

si dia membuat hari2 ku terasa sangat indah.

adakah ini cinta?

oh tidakk!
tidak secepat ini.
come on, fajin..
baru break, kott

Feelingless.

we broke up, just now.
finally we are.
hati aku pun dah tawar.
and there's nothing left to say [tiba2 mcm nak nyanyi lagu lady gaga-eh eh, there's nothing else i can say] :P
thanks to him sebab buat aku mcm ni.
yang peliknya aku tak menangis, langsung.
kenapa eh?
mungkin disebabkan sudah terlalu penat untuk menangis sebab dia.
atau mungkin airmata sudah kering..
hmm abaikan sahaja.

yang penting aku tidak sesedih dulu.
kenapa? there's something that makes me feel strong inside.
apakah ia? tak berani nak cakap, takut kecewa di kemudian hari.
just let the time decide.
maybe ini jalan yang terbaik untuk kami.
and bak kata ieka, " kau akan hidup dalam kenangan"
yes, i have to admit that.
there's just so many memoirs of ours.
takpe lah, pengalaman...

adakah ini buat aku serik untuk bercinta?
naah, im not a loser.
but maybe yes, and maybe no.
tak tahu lah. tiba2 malas nak fikir.
kadang2 kusut dengan kehadiran lelaki.
nak kata aku suka perempuan, boleh tahan juga.
tapi takde lah sampai ke tahap lesbian.
aku masih boleh berfikir.

sekarang kerja aku hanyalah untuk belajar.
study study and study.
masalah aku yang paling utama sekarang adalah tidur di dalam kelas.
dah mcm habbit pula. *big sighs
lecturer pun dah faham dgn perangai aku.
ada yg tegur, dan ada juga yg biarkan sahaja.
mereka faham, agaknya. life of a student, mmg mcm tu.. kan?

final pun sudah semakin hampir.
sekarang mmg busy dgn assignment and test.
bila lah nak cuti sem? tak sabar sgt.
nak rehatkan minda yang penuh dgn kekusutan ni.
plan banyak takyah cakap.
last2 satu pun tak jalan. haishh.

dah lah, masa untuk tidur.
esok nak kena bangun awal..
nak basuh baju, buat assignment, study bel.
baiklah, selamat malam dunia.
semoga dapat mimpi yang indah.

bonne nuit :)

Weirdo.

arep texted me last night.

but i didnt reply his text bcz im so damn busy, doing my assignments.

then before i went to sleep, i text him.

he asked me to call him for a while.

its 3am that time.
god, i really need to sleep.
but i called him though.

and he asked me so many things okay.

he also start to call me as "sayang"

then i was like, gila apa mamat neh.

and he would like me to accompany him that night.

cz he couldnt sleep at all.

so we talked, a lot.

i teased him so many times and he sulked!

omg sgt tak percaya.

and he said that i dont understand him and he's so dissappointed.

i said, im sorry la okay.

then dia merajuk pula.

haishh apa kena la ngn arep neh.

bila dah okay tu dia mcm mengada2 pula.

i asked him whether he is sick or what,

but he said that he's just fine.

dalam hati mcm, salah mkn ubat agaknya dia neh.

slalu suka buli2 tp mlm td tak pula.

bila orang buli dia balik, merajuk.

and tak boleh terima.

weird, isnt it?

dah dah. malas nak fikir.

banyak lagi assignment nak kena buat.

taaa!

Such a heartache.

I just cant believe that he would do such thing to me.
It's just, unbelievable.
He makes me cry, again.
It sucks. Yes it is.

I'm regret for being soo nice to him.
Always comforting him whenever he needs.
Always giving him another chance when he make mistakes.
I'm trying my best out of everything,
to let him know that i really love him.
But he never appreciate it.

A good heart always ends up broken.

Whyy? Why is he treating me like this?
Tension with loads of assignments?
Yes i do understand that.
Cz we both are in the same situation.

When i have problems, i share it with u.
Because only u can make me feel better.
But why u didn't do the same thing?
I don't really care about that.
But please, jaga hati i.

You also broke our promises.
You said that it's just between both of us.
But you're the one who broke it.
You don't even notice that, don't ya?
Because you never care about it.

You don't really know how much it hurts.
I'm not that strong, you know that right?

The last thing i would like you to know.
I had enough of this.
So please, stop.
And stay away from my life!

Such an idiot.

Okay why am i such an idiot?
Simple.

I'm in love!
With who? You really dont want to know who is that person.
Damn.

Kemalasan yang melampau.

i supposed to go bangi last friday, to take some of my stuff there.
books, perfume, and clothes.
cz its been a week i didnt went to college.
im infected by chicken pox, yes.
damn, kan?

so i missed a lot!
i mean, A LOT!
quizzes and test for sure.
and rasa mcm rugi gila tak dtg class account cz im starting to like the subject.
yela, since dah faham neh kan.
semangat je nak belajar.
kalau tak dulu dengar "account" je, i feel like vomiting.
menyampah sangat.
sampai sanggup pergi clinic minta mc semata2 nak skip class.
padahal bukannya sakit pun. ahaha :P

okay back to the story.
disebabkan malas yg teramat sangat, i keep on postponing.
the actual plan nak pergi pagi, then postpone tengahari pstu petang.
last2 tak pergi juga.
pastu cm, hm takpe, g esok je.
and here it is, sampai sekarang pun tak pergi2 lagi.
its already monday.
satu assignment pun tak usik lagi.
nak buat revision lagi, sempat ke?
damn.

The truth is out!

The naked truth are always better than the best dressed lies.

I finally know the true story.
Sorry for saying all the bad things about u.
I promised to myself that I'll be more careful next time.

Thanks, friends.
I'm glad to have u! :)