A brand new life.

13th march 09.

ive promised myself that i'll study harder and harder after this.
after i got such an awful result yesterday.
yepp,
i felt like im an idiot.
wayy too idiot.
and im just a burdensome to my parents.
i didnt make them proud.
instead of proud, they cried.
tears of... not happiness.
but tears of frustrated.

i cried too.
and i was down yesterday.
i cried 4 d whole day.
the worst day ive been through in my whole lifetime.
and ive promised myself that this will be the last.
ive been thinking of committing suicide yesterday.
i just thought of there will be an accident.
and im one of the victim.
and died on the spot.
but hell no.

faiz had awekened me up.
i started to think of Allah.
*mengucap.
i went to bathroom,
to freshened up my body.
and i felt calm in there.
i started to think about everything.

then i perform the solah.
i prayed to Allah,
to soften mama & ayah's heart.
may they accept what is fated.
and to give me another chance,
to prove them that im not that stupid.
there's still a chance.
yes, there is.

credits to farah, mira, faiz, harithah, qusya, puja, and my other friends as well.
they support me up.
they said, if we failed once, doesnt means we'll fail forever.
thanks to them.
i dont know what would my life be without having them around.
i appreciate it :)

oh yes,
about my result,
alhamdulillah pass semua.
cuma addmaths je la, dpt E.
teruk, kan?
well,
u can say whatever u want.
but its not going to affect my spirit.
there's still a hope.
and im always pray for it.

thank Allah ayah was okay.
he wasnt mad of me.
its just, mama is the problem right now.
but nevermind..
i understand what she feels.
and it takes time for her to back to normal.
keep praying, fajin.
dont give up too fast.

ayah suggest me to join army.
he said, think of ur future.
think of economy..
about will happen 4 ten years ahead.
walau ekonomi jatuh sekalipun,
benda yg takkan effect,
pendidikan, pertahanan, and there's another one.
cant remember what is it.

so,
i had make up my mind.
i'll apply 4 any courses.
especially 4 language, army & teacher.

thanks to farah especially.
i remembered a thing she said last night.
i texted her, "i lost in this battle"
and she replied, "byk lg battles to come. this isnt the end"
credits to her then! =)


well,
now im not the same old fajin anymore.
i have changed.
its a brand new me.
with a new spirit, new strength, new life, high hopes, and bright future.
insyaallah.
keep praying 4 me.
fighting! :)