Glad that I'm happy.

living this life without him is not as hard as what i've thought.
i think that i'll not be able to went this through alone.
thank god that it is much more easier than what i've imagined.

im currently enjoying my life.
living without him is much much more easier.
no more pain, no more heartache and no more tears.
that is what i have wished for.
congratulations, fajin. u made it very well!

going out with arep last thursday was totally a blast!
he makes me feel secure and comfortable.
i think that im totally in love with him since i cant even stop thinking of him.
for god's sake sumpah rasa mcm angau gila.
no i have to control it, okay.
its too early, i guess.
lagipun tak harap lebih dlm relationship neh.
i preferred to stay this way.
lebih selesa.

watched a movie titled dear galileo with him.
that movie was, so-so.
actually i've planned to watch alice in wonderland 3D but he dont want to.
dia cakap tu cerita budak2. jahat kan?
so terpaksa la tengok dear galileo. dia nak sangat tengok cerita tu.
apa yang best tah aku pun taktau. hah maybe sebab ada cute girls kott.
haha lelaki, expected lah.
the last part of the movie was kinda sad.
im touched so mcm keluar la tears sikit.
and he noticed it pastu dia gelak mcm tahi and bahan tak sudah.
haishh geram je tengok.

keluar dari movie dia tanya, "u nak balik mcm mana neh?"
then i said, "err taktau. nape u tak boleh hantar ke?"
he replied, "memang la i hantar, i saje je tanya tadi"
damn sumpah cuak. grrr!
then dia ajak lepak dgn ejat and his cousin kejap.
so ikut je la.
jumpa kt mamak.
bila duduk je, ejat ckp, "aku ingat perempuan mana la kau bawak td arep, rupanya pajin"
then arep said, "kau pun tawu kan aku ada dia je"
damn. haha then i was like, "ejat asal u ckp mcm tu?"
ejat said, "takde la i tgk u mlm neh lain mcm je"
okay tak faham dah so malas nak cerita.

after lepak arep ajak ejat and his cousin tlg teman hantar aku balik.
sebab takut dia mengantuk drive sorg2 balik nanti.
so they seat at the back.
borak2 ngn arep but then suddenly arep said, "u u, cuba u tgk belakang"
i looked at the back and saw ejat and his cousin is sleeping.
haha sumpah comel okay cz cousin ejat lean his head on ejat's shoulder.
dah la dorg dua orang tu kecik.
so mcm comel sgt. hee :D

masa dah sampai tu mcm sedih je nak berpisah.
its 2am that time and takut juga tak lepas nak masuk.
arep tunggu kat luar sampai aku betul2 dah masuk dalam hostel.
gate dah kunci, try gate yg kecik tu tak boleh buka.
serious cuak. panggil guard tp takde respond.
so try balik buka gate kecik and thank god boleh lepas.
masa lalu kt pondok guard tu tgk pakcik guard tengah tido.
no wonder la senyap je. haih

i texted arep saying that im already inside.
and i thanked him sebab sanggup hantar balik.
then sampai bilik sumpah rasa cm nak pengsan sebab sgt la exhausted.
lepas tu arep pula text.
i said to him, "tunggu u sampai baru text okay. bahaya la texting while driving"
then dia ckp taknak so terpaksa la layan.
5am baru tido.
then 7am bangun balik nak siap g class.

okay its a good news sebab pagi tu masa dalam class eco im not feeling sleepy at all!
it was the first time okay seriously.
taktau lah kenapa tp rasa mcm happy!
dlm class pun boleh concentrate and for the first time ada eye-contact dengan lecturer without feeling sleepy.
bagus kan?
syu mira n lela semua pelik and dorg ckp, "kenapa kau tak tido weh?"
then i was like, "shhh! focus focus"
hahaha then syu sambung, "kedai iqhuan"
mula2 tak berapa nak faham tp bila balik rumah cerita kt ieka dia gelak mcm tahi.
rupa2nya focus focus tu nama kedai abg iqhuan.
bahahah bengong!

alright the conclusion is, i can now live on my own.
in fact, rasa lega dapat lepas dari semua masalah.
thank you friends. and thanks, arep.
for supporting me up whenever i was down.
you guys are the best and i love u til death!
:) :) :)

I'm going crazy.

hati ini tiba2 merindui si dia.

rindu yang teramat, sangat.

si dia membuat hari2 ku terasa sangat indah.

adakah ini cinta?

oh tidakk!
tidak secepat ini.
come on, fajin..
baru break, kott

Feelingless.

we broke up, just now.
finally we are.
hati aku pun dah tawar.
and there's nothing left to say [tiba2 mcm nak nyanyi lagu lady gaga-eh eh, there's nothing else i can say] :P
thanks to him sebab buat aku mcm ni.
yang peliknya aku tak menangis, langsung.
kenapa eh?
mungkin disebabkan sudah terlalu penat untuk menangis sebab dia.
atau mungkin airmata sudah kering..
hmm abaikan sahaja.

yang penting aku tidak sesedih dulu.
kenapa? there's something that makes me feel strong inside.
apakah ia? tak berani nak cakap, takut kecewa di kemudian hari.
just let the time decide.
maybe ini jalan yang terbaik untuk kami.
and bak kata ieka, " kau akan hidup dalam kenangan"
yes, i have to admit that.
there's just so many memoirs of ours.
takpe lah, pengalaman...

adakah ini buat aku serik untuk bercinta?
naah, im not a loser.
but maybe yes, and maybe no.
tak tahu lah. tiba2 malas nak fikir.
kadang2 kusut dengan kehadiran lelaki.
nak kata aku suka perempuan, boleh tahan juga.
tapi takde lah sampai ke tahap lesbian.
aku masih boleh berfikir.

sekarang kerja aku hanyalah untuk belajar.
study study and study.
masalah aku yang paling utama sekarang adalah tidur di dalam kelas.
dah mcm habbit pula. *big sighs
lecturer pun dah faham dgn perangai aku.
ada yg tegur, dan ada juga yg biarkan sahaja.
mereka faham, agaknya. life of a student, mmg mcm tu.. kan?

final pun sudah semakin hampir.
sekarang mmg busy dgn assignment and test.
bila lah nak cuti sem? tak sabar sgt.
nak rehatkan minda yang penuh dgn kekusutan ni.
plan banyak takyah cakap.
last2 satu pun tak jalan. haishh.

dah lah, masa untuk tidur.
esok nak kena bangun awal..
nak basuh baju, buat assignment, study bel.
baiklah, selamat malam dunia.
semoga dapat mimpi yang indah.

bonne nuit :)